Think a loved one is being romance‑scammed? Learn how scammers groom victims, what behaviour changes to look for, and steps that can actually help.
In this article:
- Scammers build trust slowly - sometimes over months.
- If you’re here, your instincts are already telling you something is off.
- Early action helps, and banks can step in with support.
Keep reading to learn more.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re worried about a loved one being caught up in a romance scam.
Maybe a parent has formed an intense online relationship.
Maybe a friend has become secretive, defensive or financially stretched.
You’re not alone in that worry. Scamwatch reports Australians lost more than $28.6 million to romance scams in 2025 - and those are just the losses that were reported.
Often, people search for signs a loved one is being scammed not because they’re curious, they come because they’re looking for ways to help.
Worried a loved-one might be caught up in a romance scam? Trust your gut and seek help
Romance scams don’t just target money. They rely on long-term emotional manipulation, often grooming people for months until trust feels real.
But the observations of the targets family and friends are key in catching these criminals.
According to Raph, Senior Fraud Analyst at Bank Australia, friends and family members are the key reporters of this form of crime:
“They’re the scam type we get the most third‑party tip‑offs from concerned family members about,” says Raph.
“They say, ‘Hey, I can’t break mum or dad out of this.’”
However, just because you can see a loved-one being targeted doesn't mean it’s easy to help them.
We’ve explored how these scams operate and the steps that can help.
Why your loved one can’t see the scam from the inside
Romance scams are effective because scammers can spend months gaining trust.
Unlike other scams, romance scams can involve long-term emotional manipulation.
“A lot of these scammers are really willing to play the long game,” says Alex, Senior Fraud Analyst at Bank Australia.
He shares the example of a customer who spent eight months believing they were speaking to a United Nations doctor in Ukraine.
The conversations began in February, but money wasn’t lost until October.
This means the scammer spent considerable time and energy building trust before any request for cash was made.
Alex explains that, due to the long-term nature of these emotional scams, by the time money enters the picture, the emotional bond can feel deeply real which makes it harder for the person to realise what’s happening.
Scammers also frequently target those that are lonely, grieving or looking for connection.
6 changes in behaviour to notice in people caught up in a scam
You might not see the scammer messages themselves, but you may notice changes in your friend or loved one’s behaviour.
Common romance scam signs from an outsider perspective can include:
- Becoming unusually private about phones or devices
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Reacting strongly or emotionally if the topic of money arises
- Sudden financial pressure, loans or frequent transfers
- A relationship that exists entirely online
- Secrecy around new “emergencies” happening overseas
As Raph puts it:
“How much bad luck can one person have that requires you to keep sending them money and that they can never meet up?”
6 ways to spot a romance scam, according to experts
Most romance scams follow similar patterns, according to the Customer Protection team at Bank Australia.
6 common romance scammer tactics:
- Meeting on social media or niche dating platforms
- Moving quickly to constant, private messaging
- Refusing video calls or delaying face‑to‑face meetings
- Claiming to work overseas (military, humanitarian or professional roles)
- Directing people to “verifiable” profiles created using stolen information
- Escalating stories of crisis that require urgent financial help
In one particularly horrific case, a scammer posing as a US army official contacted a woman after seeing her Facebook post mourning her deceased son, using that vulnerability as the entry point.
How to broach the topic of scams with a loved one
Bringing up the subject is often the hardest part but it’s the first step to helping end the situation.
Unfortunately, if you lead with facts, accusations or ultimatums, you may unintentionally strengthen the scammer’s hold.
The goal is not to prove them wrong, but to keep your relationship intact long enough to help.
What helps
- Lead with care, not judgement
“I’m worried about you” lands very differently to “this is obviously a scam.”
- Ask open questions
“Have they asked you to keep it secret?”
“What happens if you ask to meet?”
- Focus on slowing things down
Suggest pausing payments or decisions while you look at things together.
- Avoid debates about intelligence
Shame is one of the biggest barriers to someone accepting help.
People caught up in these scams often pull away when challenged, especially by people they trust because acknowledging a scam can be emotionally devastating.
When to involve the bank and get extra support
If money has already been sent, or your loved one is being pressured to send money - time matters.
“If you feel like you're in a romance scam, or you believe someone you know is, just know that there are support systems available through your bank and other resources,” says Alex.
“Our customer care team can help provide counselling resources and link you to support services. There are ways to help you get out of it and rebuild your mental health.”
4 steps to take if you or a loved-one is being scammed:
- contact your bank using a trusted phone number or app, ours is 132 888.
- explain the situation and flag ongoing scam risk
- ask about transaction reviews and account protections
- report the scam to Scamwatch
Banks can’t always recover funds, but early action can prevent further harm and open doors to emotional and practical support.
Why staying connected matters more than being right
Romance scams don’t just financially impact individuals, they strain families, friendships and trust.
If you’re worried someone you love has been a target of a romance scam staying connected matters more than saying the perfect thing.
You may not be able to pull someone out immediately, but being a calm, non‑judgemental presence keeps the door open.
Learn more about staying safe online at our Scams, security and fraud hub.
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